See Fox Doubt

So I was alone in the pool today and really did a lot of thinking.  Unfortunately I didn't focus enough on my stroke and instead was thinking about my overall training.  When you are in the water it is so different than running.  While running I have so many distractions...you pass parks, houses, trees, war memorials...you know the usual distractions. When you are in the water however, its just you and the black line.  So tonight I started to worry.  "I haven't been doing enough 2-a-day practices" and "I haven't been doing enough long runs (as evident by my last 10k time)" and "I should be so much stronger than this" and "Swimming in a pool is one thing, but open water swimming is going to kick my ass!"  It started to freak me out.

Don't get me wrong.  I know I will finish.  I will start this race in the water and swim strong.  I will be able to bike the 25 miles.  I will transition to my run...and that is where the fear starts to turn into panic.  I wanted to really compete in this race.  I wanted to run strong to the finish line and feel like I had trained as hard as I could and raced as fast as I could.  Unfortunately between work travel and fundraising events and just getting to know new teammatesI know I have skipped more practices than was abolutely necessary.  I know I could be faster and I wish I had 4 more months to train...(well maybe not...those 4:30 AM wake up calls are tough).  

I was once worried about the fundraising but I'm now confident that I will get there.  Now it comes down to me...my willpower in training and overcoming the mental part of this game!  It's going to be hard...but I've got about 28 days to go!  Maybe I should start sleeping in my runners.

OH!  Funny side note as I was walking to the pool today i passed a house and heard a little girls voice "HI." I look around and notice her inside the house with the window open staring out the screen.  "HI!" I almost laugh.  "I'm in a window!" she exclaims...which made my night.  She looked like me at the age of 4 or 5 but with brown hair.  I'm laughing out loud now as I round the house and say "I can see that" and she says "Do you want to come over tomorrow?" and (while thinking "it's a good thing there are bars on those windows cuz who knows how many people she invites over") I said "I don't think I can" and she just said "Oh, sorry." and by then was out of my line of vision.  Throughout my hour swim every time I got too sad about Marianne or too worried about the race I thought of her saying "I'm in a window" and would laugh and choke on water and it would lighten things up.

Hope you are all working hard and having fun!  send more happy thoughts, power songs, and pennies!

cfox